Lynne on Grief
From A Medium's Perspective
Bob Olson's Interview With Psychic Medium Carole Lynne
Bob: First I want to welcome you, Carole Lynne.
Carole Lynne: Thanks Bob. I always look forward to talking with you as we
have such interesting conversations.
Bob: Now you know that I write and speak about
grief, and that I believe that learning about life after death provides
hope, comfort and peace to the grieving, so I am especially excited about
interviewing you today. Let’s get started right away because I can’t
wait to hear your answers to the questions I have prepared.
From your experience, Carole Lynne, why do we grieve
when someone dies?
Carole Lynne: When we lose someone we are close to, we miss them terribly
and if the relationship was a primary relationship such as a parent,
spouse or child, we often feel like we cannot go on living without the
loved one who has passed. We miss the warm smile, the hug and the
closeness of a loved one. Of course we do adjust over time, but the
initial feelings of grief are very hard to cope with.
Bob: Are there any other reasons why we grieve?
Carole Lynne: Many of us feel badly about the physical and emotional pain
our loved one may have suffered before passing. We especially grieve for
those who are young when they pass.
Also Bob, many of us shared responsibilities with the one who has passed,
and we suddenly find ourselves having to manage the house or take care of
the kids, and basically take on the responsibilities that two people were
sharing. So I think we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that we
also miss the loved one’s ability to share the workload.
Bob: That’s true Carole. We do miss people in many
How does your perspective on grief as a medium
differ from that of some people who do not see, hear or communicate with
Carole Lynne: As a medium, I grieve just as deeply and shed as many tears
when someone I love passes over. But because I can communicate with those
in the world of spirit, I feel comfortable that the person who has passed
is in a peaceful place. Knowing that my loved one is in a safe place makes
it a bit easier for me to let go.
Bob: But if mediums know that their loved ones are
in spirit, why is it that mediums grieve?
Carole Lynne: The fact that I can see my father in spirit does not mean
that I do not miss taking a walk with him or singing a song with him while
he plays the piano. The fact that I can talk with him in spirit does not
replace his physical presence in any way.
Bob: Is it your experience that spirit communication
is helpful to the grieving process?
Carole Lynne: I feel that spirit communication is extremely helpful to the
grieving process. If Jane has a reading and her mother comes through in
spirit and tells Jane that she is all right now, Jane is going to feel an
incredible amount of peace. Jane’s mother might also come through and
thank Jane for all the care she gave her before she passed.
Sometimes a loved one in spirit comes through and says something such as
“I know you did all you could for me. It was not your fault that the
doctors mixed up the medication in the last few weeks. There was nothing
you could have done about it and I was going to pass soon anyway. Get rid
of the guilt you are carrying around.” Bob, when there has been
confusion at the end of a loved one’s life and those still living are
wondering “what happened,” it is incredibly healing when a loved one
in spirit comes through a reading and clears up the mystery.
Bob: I would think that would be very healing for
those receiving the reading.
Carole Lynne: Yes, it is extremely healing. There are also many loved ones
in spirit who come through and thank their families and friends for all
the care they received before passing over.
I could probably write an entire volume on why spirit communication is so
helpful to the grieving process. In a few words: spirit communication is
helpful to the grieving process because we realize that we are not totally
cut off from the person who has passed on. We learn that while it is not
possible to be with the person in physical form, we can still be in touch
with that individual on a spiritual level.
Bob: Do you think many people feel the presence of
their loved ones in spirit?
Carole Lynne: Many people who lose loved ones do feel the presence of
loved ones in spirit. They naturally question the validity of these
experiences and suspect that they are not really seeing spirits but that
they are imagining the images of the spirits they are seeing. Then when
they have readings with a good medium, and the medium who has no knowledge
of those who have passed over, sees the same spirits, those who get
readings begin to realize that they are indeed having spiritual
visitations from loved ones who have passed over and are not experiencing
an over-active imagination.
Bob: But Carole, not everyone feels the presence of
their loved ones. What about the people who do not feel this presence and
depend on a medium to bring through messages from their loved ones?
Carole Lynne: You are right Bob. Many people do not feel the presence of
their loved ones and of course they are very excited when a medium is able
to describe their loved ones and bring in messages. After having a good
reading and becoming comfortable with the whole process of spirit
communication, some clients start to be a bit more adventurous and as they
open up to sensing their loved ones in spirit, they begin to be aware of
their loved ones around then.
Bob: But what if someone does not want to sense the
presence of spirits and prefers to leave the work to you? Is that okay
Carole Lynne: Absolutely. I never put any pressure on any of my clients to
sense the presence of their loved ones. Some people like to have a reading
once a year to “check in” with their loved ones and let me do all the
communicating with the other side of life.
Bob: How quickly can a person in spirit communicate
through a medium after they have crossed over?
Carole Lynne: In my experience, I have brought spirits through within
hours or days of the passing and for some spirits it has taken months or
even years before a grieving person has heard from a spirit through me or
any other medium they have seen.
Bob: How quickly do you feel it is healthy for a
grieving person to get a reading after someone has passed?
Carole Lynne: I suggest that people wait at least a month after the
passing of a loved one before having a reading. I find that people are
extremely emotional who come for a reading within days of a passing. And
if the loved they want to come through does not come through in that
particular reading, it is extremely painful for the person receiving the
reading. I feel that help from family and friends is more appropriate for
the first few weeks.
Bob: Is there a certain time period in which a
spirit may be available? In other words, can I go to a medium years after
someone has passed and possibly hear from that person?
Carole Lynne: Absolutely. I do not feel that there is any particular
“window of opportunity.” I think that the spirits of loved ones
who have passed over will always be available for us to communicate with.
Bob: Are our loved ones in spirit aware of our
grieving immediately after they die? I am mostly wondering if they are
with us when we first learn of their death, or at the hospital when we
watch them pass, or at the church or burial service.
Carole Lynne: I would have to answer “all of the above.” While
bringing through messages from spirit, I have heard those who have passed
over say things that give me the impression that many of them do know
everything that is going on just before their death and after they pass.
They sometimes talk about the funeral service, or what was placed in the
coffin. I had a child come through and thank her mother for putting her
white teddy bear in the coffin. Another man in spirit come through and
thanked his wife for putting silver dollars in the coffin. I have also
heard those in spirit comment on the music played at the memorial
Bob: Is there something we can do to make a
connection on our own after a loved one has passed to get a sign that they
Carole Lynne: What all of us can do to help our loved ones in spirit
communicate with us is to be open to the experience. We can honor the
lives of our loved ones by keeping their presence around us with pictures
and other personal items that they possessed.
When I try to imagine myself as a spirit who has passed over, I think I
would want to feel that my family still wants some of my things around. As
a spirit, I would not want my family in their grief, to stop talking about
me or looking at my pictures. I would want my family to send me prayers
and love each day. As a spirit, I would want the memory of my physical
presence to be part of the life of the family every day. I certainly would
want my family to go on with their lives and I would not want them to
think about me all the time, but I would not want them to try to shut out
thoughts of me either.
Bob: Do you think that some people who are grieving
deeply try to shut out thoughts of those who have passed?
Carole Lynne: Yes, I do and I think that this makes it difficult for
spirits to communicate. If we can welcome our loved ones from spirit, they
will surely find a way to communicate with us in one way or another.
Bob: When they try to make contact, how to they give
us signs of their presence?
Carole Lynne: My loved ones have come in dreams, in visions within my
mind, and I have heard their voices. Most of the time when I see them, it
is within my mind. A couple of times I have seen images of spirits almost
as clearly as I would see someone who is alive.
Bob: Do your clients report that they have seen
their loved ones in spirit?
Carole Lynne: Yes. While this is fairly rare, a number of clients have
reported to me that they have actually seen their loved ones sitting in a
room as real as if they were living. Many clients have reported feeling a
breeze within a room in which no windows are open. Some have reported
seeing a spirit out of the corner of the eye, while others report while
not seeing anything, suddenly feeling the great presence of a loved one
who has passed. Some people suddenly smell the perfume mother used to wear
while others hear her singing an old favorite song.
Bob: Well, if some people feel the presence of their
loved ones in spirit, why go to a medium?
Carole Lynne: One of the great reasons for seeing a medium is that if you
are having experiences and feeling the presence of a loved one in spirit,
and the medium who does not know you or your loved one in spirit then sees
the same things you have been seeing, you will know that it is not your
imagination and that you are truly seeing spirits.
Bob: Can you describe the ways that those in spirit
let their loved ones know that their visitations are real?
Carole Lynne: I have had loved ones in spirit come through in readings and
describe things that are going on right now. For instance in a reading I
have reported things such as “ your wife in spirit is telling me that
there is a new orange chair in your house and she feels comfortable making
a visitation in the vicinity of that chair.” As the man receiving the
reading verifies that he does have a new orange chair in his house, he is
also realizing at this moment that his wife is actually talking to me.
Otherwise, how would she know about the orange chair? And how would I
know? And when his wife in spirit also says that she knows he is not
taking his medications, as he should, then he knows that his wife in
spirit is visiting him or how would she know that he has not been taking
his medications properly?
Bob: It sounds like the spirits come through in many
different ways. But are there particular signs should we watch for?
Carole Lynne: I believe that if we are open to spirit communication, we
will know when our loved ones communicate in dreams, in visions within
minds, or in those moments when we deeply feel the presence of loved ones
from spirit. As each one of us opens up spiritually, we will be better
able to experience those spirits around us everyday.
However Bob, I do have to warn that while I think it is important to be
open to receiving signs that your loved ones from spirit are around you, I
caution people about becoming obsessed with looking for signs. If one is
open to the presence of a loved one from spirit, it will happen naturally.
Bob: Do you have any experience indicating how
people in spirit feel about our grieving? More precisely, is it painful
for them to see us in a state of grieving; do they consider our grieving a
testament to our love for them; or would they prefer we reacted to their
passing in some other manner?
Carole Lynne: As a medium who brings through many messages from spirit, I
find many variations in the ways that those in spirit express themselves.
As a medium, I find that those spirits who communicate through me to be as
different from each other as you and I are. What this proves to me is that
when we make our transition into eternal life you and I will take with us
the consciousness we have created and will retain many of our personality
traits. In fact, Bob, I hope we do so that you and I can continue our
interesting debates when we are both in spirit!
Bob: Ok Carole, I do understand that spirits
communicate differently. So can you share some examples of how different
spirits feel about the way we grieve?
Carole Lynne: Certainly. One man in spirit found it quite painful to see
his wife grieving because she was not taking care of herself. He came
through quite concerned about his wife and told me to tell her to eat
regularly because he could see that in her grief she was not eating
properly. This was a phone reading, and so of course I could not see the
wife for whom I was giving a reading. When I delivered the
husband’s message, she agreed that she was not eating and losing weight.
She was very touched that her husband had come through telling her to
start eating more. She cried tears of joy as she realized he was still
looking out for her from the world of spirit. This man in spirit was upset
that his wife’s grief was making her ill.
On the other hand, I have had a woman come through from the world of
spirit and talk about how she never knew how much so many people loved her
until she saw so many people in tears at her funeral. In this case, the
showing of grief helped this woman in spirit to realize the love she never
fully accepted when she will alive.
Bob: I have heard people say that we can hold
spirits back or close to the earth if we don’t let go of them. Do you
Carole Lynne: I have no reason to believe that. Many of the spirits who
come through readings seem to be involved in reuniting with others in
spirit and in reviewing their lives. They seem to be doing that regardless
of how people on earth are reacting to their passing.
Bob: Some people’s suffering is magnified by their
regrets of negative things they said or did, or did not say or do, prior
to a persons death. How do we deal with these regrets?
Carole Lynne: I am so glad that you asked this question Bob because the
answer to this question brings us to the heart and soul of the mediumistic
reading. The mediumistic reading gives both the grieving person and the
spirit an opportunity to clear up any unfinished business. The best
experiences I have as a medium are the readings where a spirit comes
through and says something such as “do not worry about the fact that the
medications got mixed up before I passed. I would have passed anyway and
it was not your fault that there were some problems.” Or a spirit
comes through and says, “I know that you did everything possible to
prolong my life, but it was time for me to go. Please stop feeling
And it is equally beautiful when someone having a reading says to me
“tell my mother in spirit that I really did love her even though I did
not always act like it.” And then to have the mother respond,
“thank you honey and do you remember that wonderful boat cruise we took
together. Let’s remember the good times we had.” And what is
even more exciting is that the woman having the reading comes to
understand that she can continue to talk to her mother her own, without my
help, and her mother in spirit will hear her.
I could go on and on about these beautiful communications Bob.
Bob: I can understand why Carole. As you talk about
people in spirit coming through with apologies for something they did
while living, I am wondering if all spirits are ready to apologize? And
what about those who receive readings: is everyone who receives an apology
from someone in spirit ready to offer forgiveness?
Carole Lynne: Some spirits who really owe someone an apology are ready to
say they are sorry and some are not. And some people who receive apologies
from someone in spirit are ready to say “I forgive you” and some are
not. I guess the best way that I can put it is that when you communicate
with a loved one in spirit, it is similar to communicating with people who
are alive. Sometimes you will hear what you want to hear and
sometimes you won’t. I cannot sugarcoat the situation. What is important
is that your conversations with your loved ones are not over when they
pass over, so you can resolve unfinished business. It may not happen in
the first reading, but over a period of time you will resolve unsettled
Bob: Our society seems to have expectations of how
long people should grieve. I often see people trying to rush people’s
grief through to healing. What are your thoughts on this? Is there a
proper timeline for grieving?
Carole Lynne: People grieve in different ways depending on their
experience. For instance, the woman who is not in a good marriage and
loses her spouse may turn around and marry a year later while the woman
who was happily married for forty years and has four kids and seven
grandchildren may never want to marry again. The first woman may want to
get over her grief quickly while the second woman may choose to live with
the memories of her marriage for the rest of her life. OR a person may
have been very happily married and never want to marry again. People make
different choices about what to do with the rest of their lives after
losing a loved one. Is the woman who chooses to live with the memories of
her husband for the rest of her life wrong? Is the woman who remarries
quickly wrong? I think we all have the right to make different choices
after losing a loved one, and the choices we make do not necessarily mean
we are “stuck in grief.”
Bob: Similarly, people seem to have strong feelings
about grief after the loss of a child. What are your thoughts on this?
Carole Lynne: Does a couple who loses a child have the right to have
another child? Of course they do. And do they also have the right to make
a decision not to have any more children? Of course they do. I think each
one of us has a right to our choices.
Bob: Does a person who knows they can still
communicate with someone who has passed make different choices than a
person who does not really understand that we survive death?
Carole Lynne: I think so. My thoughts have changed since I received the
gift of being able to see spirits. Before I saw spirits, I thought that
when a person passed on they were really DEAD in capitol letters! But now,
I have a different feeling because I feel the spirits around me every day.
If someone passes on, I feel that they are still there, only in another
Other people who have had readings and heard from their loved ones in
spirit cannot help but have a different vision of life and the afterlife
than a person who feels that death is the absolute end to everything.
Bob: So how does being able to communicate with our
loved ones in spirit affect the choices we make for the rest of our lives?
Carole Lynne: I have had a boy in spirit come through and tell his
girlfriend that she should move on and start dating. Now whether she
chooses to do that however, is her choice and not the choice of the loved
one in spirit. In my opinion Bob, if someone chooses to live with the
memories of someone who has passed and that keeps them from having a new
romantic relationship, I feel it is a choice one can make and not
necessarily be “stuck in grief.” And on the other hand, the
person who does not want to live with his or her memories or be visited
frequently by someone who has passed also has the right to move on and ask
that spirit to move on.
Bob: Okay, I understand there are variations on how
those in spirit feel about the way we grieve and the choices we make, but
what if a person’s grief keeps them from functioning normally?
Carole Lynne: If a person’s grief keeps them from functioning and eating
well, sleeping well and in all ways having a successful life, then this is
unhealthy grief. A person hanging on to destructive grief needs to see a
therapist, a grief counselor or be part of a grief support group. I find
that when loved ones in spirit see that those who are still living are
ruining their lives with their grief, they usually try to help the
grieving people. I do not think anyone, living OR in spirit, wants to see
people die of grief.
Bob: What advice do you have for the grieving who
wish to move beyond their grief and begin living without the pain
associated with their loss?
Carole Lynne: I think all of us need to move beyond our grief no matter
what choices we make about things such whether to remarry or not. I
encourage you and everyone to find a special place in your heart for the
person who has passed on. Know that your loved one is in a safe place: a
place to which all of us go when it is our time to move on into eternal
life. Send prayers to your loved one, visit your loved ones place of
burial and pay respect. But go on with your life and live a full life.
Life is too short as they say. In my heart Bob, I do not believe that
those who have passed want us to spend the rest of our lives mourning.
Bob: Do you believe that we ever really “heal”
from our grief?
Carole Lynne: I do believe that we can heal from our grief. It may take
many years. I do think that communicating with our loved ones in spirit
speeds up the healing process. I feel blessed to have been given the gift
of mediumship and grateful to be able to serve others and help them
through the grieving process when I bring them communications from their
loved ones who have passed into eternal life.
Bob: This was enlightening; Carole Lynne, and I
believe it has served to offer hope, comfort and peace to anyone dealing
with the loss of a loved one. If people want to get a spirit communication
reading with you, how do they contact you?
Carole Lynne: Please call me at 617 964-0058
Bob: You also have a website, what is that address?
Carole Lynne: My website address is www.carolelynne.com
Bob: I should also mention that I have written an
article about my reading with you, which absolutely blew my mind because
it was one of the best readings I have ever had with a medium and I have
had well-over 100 readings with top mediums from around the world. And if
anyone is interested in reading that article, they can go to: http://www.ofspirit.com/bobolson25.htm
Well, I can’t express my gratitude enough, Carole
Lynne. I know I have learned a great deal here and I’m pleased to be
able to offer this valuable insight to OfSpirit.com readers. Thanks so
much for this interview!
Carole Lynne: Thank you also. I really enjoyed talking with you.
Olson is a former private investigator
and skeptic who began using his investigation skills to research
psychics, mediums and the afterlife in 1999. This research led
him to establish OfSpirit.com
Magazine (2000), BestPsychicMediums.com
(2001) and BestPsychicDirectory.com
(2007), three of the most trusted and influential sources for
understanding and locating trustworthy psychics and mediums.
Bob Olson has tested hundreds of psychics and mediums around the
world and has become a leading authority on the subject with TV,
movie and documentary producers, journalists, book publishers,
event promoters, as well as law enforcement agencies and private
investigators. Bob’s achievements in psychic and medium
investigation and testing has further allowed him to evaluate
and isolate the key components that set apart the best psychic
medium readings from the mediocre—leading him to create his
famous (although secret) 15-point test.
has documented his findings in a multitude of articles. He has
authored the Forewords for three books: The Complete Idiot's
Guide To Communicating With Spirits, Consult Your Inner
Psychic and The Complete Idiot's Guide To Divining The
Future. Bob has also been quoted as an expert in How To
Get A Good Reading By A Psychic Medium and Empowering
Your Life With Angels. He is also the author of Win The
Battle and How To Beat Depression.